There is no illness in Paradise.
There are no diseases within its boundaries. There are no wounds that will not heal, no headaches, no broken limbs. There are no fevers, no upset stomachs, nothing but the prime of physical health.
There is no illness in Paradise.
"Eldest Daughter!"
Tenshi flipped her hair over her shoulder and wilfully ignored Iku's call, stomping towards the edge of Paradise as if she had heard nothing.
"Eldest Daughter! Where are you going?"
"Mind you own business!" Tenshi yelled without turning back.
"It is my business, as you well know. Even if this arrangement displeases you, it is your parents' will, and thus we must all accommodate to it—"
"Oh yes, because it's not like this is a pain in the ass for everyone except them." Tenshi whirled around. Iku had been following her tenaciously and now came to a halt, her heavenly garb billowing softly around her. "Look, I'm not some human toddler you have to watch every second in case I scrape my knee. I'll be out of your hair the whole day, so why don't you just go back and do whatever you usually do when you're not stalking me."
Iku sighed and put her hands together as if in prayer. "I have a duty I must heed, Eldest Daughter. I am not supposed to allow you to leave Bhava-Agra without supervision."
"No-one cares but you! My parents only care because they think I'm going to cause more trouble." She put on as serious a face as possible. "I'm not. Honest. I have better things to do."
Iku sighed again. Tenshi loathed that sound almost as much as she loathed the sounds of merriment. Iku never ceased sighing around her, or shaking her head, or folding her arms, or calling out her stupid title in the most disproving manner possible, like a long-suffering nanny of an ill-behaved child. Tenshi was sick of being treated like a child. After five centuries frozen in early adolescence, with no chance to further mature physically, one of her chief desires was to be treated according to her age despite her stunted growth.
Iku tilted her head and focused intently for a moment. She straightened out, and with a somewhat different tone asked: "Are you well, Eldest Daughter?"
Now it was Tenshi's turn to sigh. "I already told you I wouldn't cause any trouble."
"That is not what I asked."
"I know it's what you meant."
"I meant what I said. Are you well?"
Yes, she would say she meant it, and expect Tenshi to swallow it hook line and sinker, like she was still willing to buy whatever rot her elders wished her to buy without question. As if anyone actually cared about her well-being, or considered her more than at best a petulant child, or at worst nothing but a burden. Tenshi scoffed. "Why don't you just read the atmosphere and figure it out?"
"That is precisely what I'm doing."
"Bah." Tenshi buried the ball of hatred she carried in her soul deep within her mind before responding. "I'm fine. I'm just going down to see a friend. That should be fine with Mother and Father."
Iku blinked. "You have a friend in Gensokyo?"
"That's what I said."
"Well," Iku looked doubtful. Tenshi wished she would drop dead. "Even so, you're not supposed to leave, Eldest Daughter..."
"Just turn a blind eye. It's not like anyone but you will notice I'm gone."
"Even if that would be the case, it's about the principle of things."
"Oh, not the atmosphere for once?" Tenshi snorted. "And you know just as well as I do that what I said is true. Just go take a nap or something. You'd like that."
"Eldest Daughter, this is not about whether I'd enjoy something or not. This is about duty: not just mine, but yours as well, as the daughter of the—" Iku had closed her eyes during her harangue, and now blinked rapidly. "Eldest Daughter!"
Tenshi kept running, ignoring Iku's cries. Let the stupid oarfish catch her if she could. A game of cat and mouse could serve as a nice warm-up before the main event of the day.
She looked over her shoulder. Iku hadn't followed her. She looked on at Tenshi with her hand on her head, and while Tenshi was too far away to hear it, she could see her sigh.
Bah.
Tenshi kept going, using all the power she could muster to move her legs, holding her hat with one hand. It would have been easier to have a strap on the hat, like she had had as a child, but would she be ready to face the mockery that would follow from it?
She narrowed her eyes. What the hell. As if she'd even notice the difference. After all, she didn't care. At all. Besides what did it really matter if he lost her hat? Let the wind carry it away. Searching for it could serve as the prelude Iku's pursuit would not.
Iku was finally advancing towards her, flying rapidly through the air, surrounded by electricity. However, she would never catch Tenshi.
With one final step, Tenshi reached the edge of Bhava-Agra, and launched herself into the air, free-falling with her limbs spread far and wide. The wind swept over her, violently flapping her hair and the hems of her apron and skirts. Another current swept her hat away.
Beneath her, Gensokyo opened up, with its scenic mountains and lush forests. Tenshi named all the buildings she could, and scoffed at the feeble creatures, human and youkai alike, who had built them. She saw Misty Lake, like a blue eye in the middle of a green face, and smiled without noticing. She kept flying down, seeing how long she could stay in a free-fall go without crashing into the ground, holding her arms out as if to embrace the land that could so easily grind her bones into powder if she allowed it to happen.
After some moments spent scurrying through the woods to evade Iku's gaze, and several more searching for her hat, Tenshi made her way towards Misty Lake.
She descended into a small forest, not far from the meadow she had been to the day before, and began wading through the verdant bushes and ferns, like a lake of plants by the lake of water. The woods were unkempt, with overgrown and withering plants among the perfectly blooming ones, wild in a way that would never be allowed in the meticulously resplendent and endless gardens of Bhava-Agra. There was calmness in the air that made its way into her circulation and set her mind at ease. This kind of ugly beauty, with parts rotting away, was so far removed from her world that it was fascinating despite its grotesqueness. Had she really lived amidst these plants one day, with her feet covered in mud and wild flowers in her hair?
The image brought back her black thoughts, and she focused on Cirno instead. Perhaps Cirno would not be there that day, but that couldn't be helped: she couldn't exactly make formal agreements with someone so beneath her status, after all. She would have to rely on luck, and if that failed, her wits and eyes to scour Gensokyo for the damned ice fairy.
However, a search operation proved unnecessary. As soon as the thought crossed her mind and saw the lake through the trees, there was Cirno's laughter, intermingled with another high-pitched voice. Swiftly, Tenshi made her way behind an oak tree growing in the grove, and peered past its bountiful branches at the two fairies. One was Cirno: the icy blue hair and the loud, cheerful voice were unmistakable. The second looked much like the common flower fairies of Gensokyo, except notably taller: she had her green hair tied into a surprisingly neat side ponytail.
Tenshi couldn't make out the words, but even from this distance, just by the expressions and gestures and the tone of voices it was evident the two were acquaintances, and more likely than not close friends. Cirno smiled raucously, the and the fairy quivered with laughter, and they playfully shoved each other. Their conversation was happy and animated, and the more Tenshi looked on, the more she loathed both of them.
She tore her gaze away and sat on the grass, back against the tree trunk. It only made sense Cirno had friends — Tenshi quickly corrected herself from thinking "other friends": she and Cirno had never been friends and never would be. Why wouldn't all the fairies want to be friends with someone so brimming with life, so cheerful, so upbeat, so foolish and incapable of seeing the vacuousness of either other or herself?
Tenshi closed her eyes and sank into her reveries. Instantly, she found herself transported several centuries back in time, when everything in Heaven had already lost its lustre but still felt fluffier than it did at present time; back when she had still believed she could win her parents' affection and attention by being sweet and demure, positively angelic. She had had a friend, then, a friend with peach-coloured hair and a kindly smile. Even now, Tenshi could see her approaching her, the beauty mark on her left cheek bouncing up as she smiled and took Tenshi's hand. It was a festival, as it was every day, and various lights like the paper lanterns of earth shone in innumerable colours. Tenshi's friend had led her to her posse, with pastel hair and false smile, and Tenshi felt her own mouth twisting into a smile as bogus as theirs. But it had been a genuine smile when her friend looked at her, reacted to the few remarks she forced herself to make, laughed at her jokes, and in general made her feel like the sun had dawned inside her.
Before the doubt growing within her tainted it, that is.
She had suspected it, almost from the very beginning. Since when did people approach recluses and strike up a friendly conversation with them, and genuinely attempt to befriend them? Even when Tenshi's heart had been about to burst with the happiness of being accepted, with how wonderful her friend was, she had wondered if she really liked her at all. Her friend was a social butterfly who treated everyone kindly: perhaps she felt obligated to keep Tenshi company no matter how much she in reality bored her? Or worse yet, perhaps she was a false friend entirely, with some dark intention for why she tried to win Tenshi's trust? She didn't put much stock to the latter idea, but often felt so unlovable the former thought germinated with vigour. She was nothing special, had no interesting skills, had nothing to offer, let alone to someone as bubbly and clever as her peach-coloured friend. How could anyone care about her?
Other days, when her mood had been better, she had allowed herself to tip her toes in the pool of friendship, each time a little further. Perhaps her friend was so wonderful she could like even Tenshi, and perhaps, perhaps, there was something in Tenshi that was lovable after all. Her other friends she never cottoned to, feeling them to be vapid and good for nothing but rumours and trite partying, which Tenshi had long since grown tired of despite her veneer of interest. But maybe her friend was a real friend, one she could trust, one that would also make her a better person in turn...
Another memory swam in front of her mind's eye, quite without her input.
It was her parents, austere and dressed elegantly as always. Tenshi had hoped that after all this time, their faces in her memories would be hidden in shadows, but she saw them in crystal clarity. No matter how many years passed, Tenshi felt small in front of them, positively minuscule. Her mother opened her mouth to speak.
Tenshi rapidly opened her eyes, blinking away tears she hadn't even realised she had shed. Her expression, on its own, turned to steel.
Who cared, now? Not Tenshi. She knew no-one would ever like her for what she was, and that any pretence would only go so far. So, why did it matter if she had let herself go? The damage she had done to her relationships with everyone around had been beyond repair for centuries. It didn't matter what she would do, no matter what, so the least she should try would be to derive all the pleasure she could possibly find in this wretched, stupid life.
She turned her attention back to the two fairies. The tall fairy said something indistinct to Cirno and rouse to the air, flying towards the west. Cirno waved after her, then waded into the water and crouched down, doing something Tenshi couldn't see.
Tenshi waited for a few moments, then exited the woods and sauntered forward through the wet grass to see what the crouched ice fairy was doing. "What are you playing at, then?"
Cirno looked over her shoulder, idly conjuring more ice between her hands without looking. "What does it look like? I'm freezing frogs."
Tenshi snorted, then eyed the frozen amphibians, green lumps barely visible through the thick ice, lying helplessly in the grass. "Ah, yes. Is that really the best the strongest of all the fairies?"
Cirno finished freezing the frog in front of her and turned to give Tenshi the evil eye. "Of course it's not. It's just fun."
"Right. And you're not just saying that because you know it is in fact the best you can do, and you're just trying to clumsily cover it up so that the reputation of your louse-like kind doesn't sink even further into the mire?"
Cirno stared at her. "You're stupid." Then, with an exaggerated flounce, she jumped into the creek, her bare feet disappearing into the water. She walked carefully into the reeds, presumably looking for more frogs.
Tenshi scoffed and followed after her, stepping in with her arms folded, not bothering to remove her boots. The hems of her skirts were immediately soaked and began weighting her down, so she made extra care to stomp forward with excess vigour.
Cirno glared at her again. "You're scaring away the frogs!"
"That's what happens when you call me stupid without explaining why."
Cirno rolled her eyes. "You really are stupid, then. You're stupid because you think freezing frogs is the best I can do even though I managed to hurt you. What are you, a goldfish?"
"Goldfishes have month-long memories," Tenshi said, repeating some idle trivia Iku had once shared with her. "And as far as our wager goes, it has not been settled yet. You drew my blood, certainly, but if you think that actually harmed me, you have another thing coming. See?" She thrust her fully healed hand right into Cirno's face.
Cirno's mouth fell open. "Huh? Then why did you bow to me?"
Tenshi smirked. "I was making fun of you."
Cirno's shoulders slumped, crestfallen. "No way." Then, she frowned. "That's not fair!"
"Know what is fair, however?" Tenshi turned her thrust palm into an extended hand. "If you come with me, I'll let you have a second go at me. If you really didn't use all of your strength yesterday, today's the day to do it. Pit everything you have against me, and perhaps you will impress me today."
Cirno seemed to consider her offer, hand on her chin. "I really didn't hurt you yesterday?"
"Not a bit," Tenshi lied smoothly. "What? Did I look like I was in pain? You must be joking."
Cirno didn't look entirely convinced. "You kinda winced."
"That was merely in surprise: I couldn't believe you had even managed as much as to break my skin. Still, that doesn't mean you actually succeeded." Tenshi raised her chin. "So, are you prepared to defend to honour of the fairies?"
Cirno's eyes darkened. She cracked her knuckles. "You bet I am! I'll freeze you so badly you'll think another ice age has come!"
"Oh, excellent. You think you can cause me pain with cold air?" Tenshi leaned in closer until her hair brushed Cirno's shoulders. "I'll give you a free hint: you will need the sharpest blades you can even imagine to actually hurt me."
Cirno grinned. "I'm going to show you winter in the middle of summer!"
Tenshi bowed her head, smiling likewise. "Please."
"Again."
Tenshi spread her arms wide and took the entirety of yet another volley of ice shards. Crusts of ice pierced the fabric of her shirt and grazed her skin, then shards sharp as razor blades bit into her, searing her flesh and slicing endless minute cuts into her torso. At the moment of impact, the pain washed away all unrelated emotion, and Tenshi had to bite her lip to hold back a sob as her entire body was wrapped in excitement and satisfaction none of the joys of Heaven could ever match.
"Again," she whispered. "Again."
Cirno visibly hesitated, lowering her hand. "Are you sure you're okay? That looks bad."
Tenshi scowled, but managed to turn it into a bitter grin. The initial euphoria was fading away as the wounds began to burn, and she had no time for hesitation. "What, do you think you're honestly capable of hurting me? I felt nothing. This," She gestured in front of her body, "this will be healed by the next time you see me." It was true too, or at least, the part about recuperation was: the Celestial speed of recovery could match that of many youkai. Not even a scar remained of the much deeper cut on her palm from their first encounter. "So, unless you want to prove that even the strongest of fairies is absolutely no match to Celestials, I suggest you keep going."
Cirno frowned, her guileless face clearly legible: she wanted to buy Tenshi words, but the marred flesh and specks of blood right in front of her made her hesitate. To make her choice easier, Tenshi folded one of her arms over her chest and examined her fingernails.
"That was just cooling up." Cirno cracked her knuckles and raised her hands. A visible miasma of frost surrounded her. "I'll show you exactly what fairies can do."
"Cooling up?" Tenshi sneered. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"It's like warming up, but the opposite."
Tenshi rolled her eyes. "Let me guess, you're also the height of wit around your kind?"
"Nah, Dai-chan's jokes are way funnier..." The momentary blissful smile on Cirno face vanished as realisation dawned. "Hey! You think I'm too stupid to catch that?"
Tenshi spread her arms wide and took a bow. "Perhaps I did. Well, you know how to pay back: just show me that you're actually capable of hurting me." She looked on eagerly as the blades of ice manifested, larger this time and glimmering with dangerous sharpness. How thrilling it would be to be stung by the specks, then penetrated by those blades and see them be washed over with her blood, to bleed, to die, to leave this dull, hateful world behind her.
She looked on unblinking as Cirno released the volley, and savoured every ounce of pain she could derive from it.
"Are you sure it doesn't hurt?" Cirno looked anxious and fidgeted with her hands.
"It doesn't." It was almost the truth, too; the pain had already begun to give way to a sharp stinging sensation, regret following in the wake of pleasure. She looked down a her chest and savoured the cuts and deep stabs visible through the remnants of her shirt. "I'm fine." Had she been injured like this while still an earthling, so long ago Tenshi could only remember vague flashes of the time, she probably would have lived through the wounds, but not without weeks of agony and soreness. Now, it was simply a matter of returning of Bhava-agra and waiting for a while, and all mortal perils would be swept away.
She clenched her fists. "One more for luck."
Cirno blinked rapidly. "One more? I don't know..." Despite Tenshi's best reassurances, it was evident Cirno doubted something. Her eyes kept flittering back to the mesh of red and white that was Tenshi's chest, biting her lip.
"Thinking I'm hurt insults the pride of all Celestials!" Tenshi slammed her hand against her chest for emphasis, and sighed in relief as a fresh wave of pain flooded into her. "Perhaps to you pathetic earthlings, this would be painful, but to me they mean less than mosquito bites. That's what fairies are to me if you can't shape up, weaker than mosquitoes!"
Cirno gave her a dirty look.
Tenshi smirked. "That's the spirit. Now," spread her arms, "one more for luck."
"Eldest Daughter!"
Tenshi rolled her eyes. Perhaps she should have expected Iku to catch up with her mere moment after she returned to Paradise, but the sight of her and hearing her reproachful tone didn't exactly improve her mood regardless. She wrapped her hands around her torso in an attempt to cover the wounds on her body. "What, did someone actually notice I was gone?"
She passed by Iku without stopping, and heard her flying after her.
"That is not the point here, Eldest Daughter. You run off to Gensokyo and return with a strange atmosphere, and then attempt to brush me off. I must punish you."
Tenshi sighed. "Oh, goody." Before, Iku's lighting bolts had served to jolt her out of her torpor much like Cirno's ice did, but with time she had became inured to them. Now they were barely noticeable from her usual numbness.
"Eldest Daughter, please look at me when I'm talking to you." Iku clapped her hand on her shoulder, and when Tenshi didn't shrug it off, gently but irresistibly turned her around. Tenshi prepared her best glare for Iku.
However, even if Iku noticed the glare, something else quickly drew her attention away from it.
"Eldest Daughter..." she mumbled, staring at Tenshi's torso, "What on heaven and earth happened to you? We must get you aid, immediately! Who did this?"
"Mind your own damn business, Iku!" Tenshi snapped, her hands curling into fists on their own. "I wasn't doing anything! I haven't done anything wrong!"
"You haven't done anything?" Iku asked incredulously. "Your shirt is in tatters! Your body is covered in lacerations? Something happened, whether you admit it or not. There is no reason to deny it!"
"Shut up! Like it matters to you. You're too nosy."
Iku touched the bridge of her nose in a gesture that never failed to annoy Tenshi. "Eldest Daughter, whatever happened, you can tell me. If it is something sensitive that is of no consequence to the rest of Bhava-Agra, I can agree not to tell your parents at present time. However, you must tell me what's ailing you. Your atmosphere is dreadful."
"Maybe it's just because I'm dreadful."
Iku sighed. "No, Eldest Daughter. Please, speak to me. I am aware that something is amiss, but I cannot assist if I have no understanding of the situation."
"And did I ask for your help? Or your opinion?" Tenshi hissed. She tossed her head and began stalking away, certain that it wouldn't rid her of Iku, but being unable to stand still and take her nonsense any longer regardless. "Just so you know, I can take care of myself! I am not a child!"
Iku's usually level complexion darkened. "I could have been fooled by your current behaviour."
"Shut up!" Tenshi felt her cheeks redden, but she was beyond caring. "Can't you see that I'm fed up with all this rot? Leave me alone for crying out loud! I don't want to see you!" It felt like a floodgate had opened. "I don't want to see any of you! I hate you all!"
The words didn't succeed in having their intended effect: instead of enraging Iku, the oarfish looked down and sighed. The sight served to make Tenshi's blood boil even further.
"Eldest Daughter," Iku sighed, leaning forward and extending her arm. Without thinking, Tenshi slapped her hand away, and for an encore took a step forward and shoved Iku backwards. As Iku was still floating, the push failed to make her topple, but it did make her wobble and back off a bit. She stared at Tenshi with widening eyes.
"Eldest Daughter, do you really wish me to punish you?" she asked in a low voice.
"Go ahead!" Tenshi extended her arms to her sides. "That's all you're good for anyway. Punch me, shove me, zap me! See how much difference that's going to make!"
She half expected Iku to raise her arm and send a bolt of lightning through her right there and then, but it never came. Rather, Iku seemed fixated on the still fresh wounds on Tenshi's body, and slowly moved out of her battle stance.
"You are correct, Eldest Daughter. I can see it won't make a difference." Iku hesitated, then extended her arm again. "Please, speak to me. Tell me what is ailing you. I assure you that I will do what I can to help you."
"Right." Tenshi folded her arms. "You care about me all of a sudden."
"Why wouldn't I care, Eldest Daughter?"
"Why would you?" Tenshi gave Iku her best scowl and unfolded her arms. "You know what? I hate many people. I hate all the people who bullied me. I hate my parents for doing nothing about it. But more than them, I hate you. I hate you!" she suddenly roared, making Iku flinch. "I hate you more than anyone! The sight of you makes me want to puke!"I never want to see you ever again!" There was a flash of pain in Iku's eyes, and even as Tenshi knew she was winning, her stomach began to churn. What if Iku really had cared about Tenshi? What if her concern wasn't entirely selfish? If so, all that would certainly be obliterated now.
"Don't you hear me?" she continued, blinking away tears she couldn't control. "Leave me alone, you disgusting, repulsive, idiotic fish! If I ever see you again I'll cut your face into ribbons!"
Iku floated mutely in place, mouth open and eyes wide. When she spoke, her voice quivered. "Eldest Daughter..."
"Shut up! Just leave me alone, you disgusting creature!" Unable to face Iku eyes any longer, simmering with both anger and regret she couldn't quite convince herself was baseless, she ran away.
This time, she didn't look back.
This time, Iku didn't follow her.